Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

Make 'em with the kids! Or, y'know, try to.

You'll need:

3 ripe bananas, the riper the sweeter
one cup of white sugar
one cup (2 sticks) of butter
one teaspoon each of cinnamon, salt (I prefer kosher but table salt will do just fine), baking soda, and baking powder.
One tablespoon of milk.
two cups of AP flour
two eggs
two cups of semi-sweet chocolate chips

If there's a kid about, she or he will try to help. This is to be encouraged. We need people who aren't scared of the kitchen.

Also, I'm assuming you have a stand mixer for this.

Here we go: Put the butter in the bowl of the stand mixer and, using the paddle bit, start beating the butter. This is when a kid will show up and possibly attempt to stick their finger in the bowl while the machine is working. Prevent this as best you can. My preferred method is something along the lines of, "hey! Be careful there! That thing'll rip your little fingers right off." Anticipate a little head being in the way at all times. Add your sugar and cream the butter and sugar together, scraping the sides periodically until the butter and sugar is fluffy. Then add your milk. Once again you'll notice fingers working their way toward the oblivion of the active mixing bowl. Do not allow this, juvenile hand meat does not match well with banana or chocolate. Then add your bananas and mix to combine.

At this point the child might get bored and wander off.

Whisk together your dry ingredients and add to wet ingredients in three batches. Just as you add the first one the child will likely wrap her arms around your hips and demand that you hug her back. Assure her that you still love her even when your hands are full. Add a third, mix to combine and then scrape the bowl down. Make a mental note not to crank the mixer up so fast next time and another to make the kid help clean up after you're done. 

Real tired.

After final batch is added, eyeball how much flour you lost on the first go-round and add same. Using a rubber scraper, gently fold in the chocolate chips. Once your batter is mixed, realize that you forgot the eggs right around the time you had to stop your younger child from soliciting a horsey ride from the cat. Add your eggs and beat furiously with your rubber scraper.

Rethink all of your life choices.

Rifle around in the cupboards for your 9"x5" bread pan, realize you can't find it. Decide to make muffins instead. Find your muffin tin, and spray down with...nope, we're all out of pan spray. Use a paper towel to spread a little vegetable oil in your muffin tin, and using a two ounce ice cream scoop (or disher if you're feeling pedantic), fill up each of those whatever you call them that the muffins actually bake in. Find that you have about another half a tin of batter in the bowl, but that's alright, because you also forgot to preheat the oven to 325F.

Fire up the oven to 350, because when you open the door you'll lose some heat. Once the oven preheats, put your muffins in to bake, forget to turn the heat back down to 325, and set the timer for 15 minutes because you don't actually know how long it takes to make muffins this way. In about ten minutes a lovely aroma will start to waft from the kitchen, but you won't get to enjoy it for long because now the kids are fighting like there's ancestral land riding on it. Defuse the situation by announcing your intention to take on the winner.

If you can't make this face on demand, you're not trying.

After the first fifteen minutes, gently touch the top of the muffins to see if they're done yet by judging their springiness. They're nowhere close. Also you filled the whatevers too full and now they're overflowing a bit. Turn the pan half way around around to ensure even baking.

Fix yourself a fresh pot of coffee, because what this situation needs more than anything is caffeine.

The children will have completely lost interest by now, so go ahead and turn on Sesame Street. They might as well be learning something. Go clean up the kitchen while your coffee brews up.

When the timer goes off. check for doneness using the toothpick test. Realize you don't know where the toothpicks are. Leave the hot oven hanging open while while you search feverishly for the box of toothpicks you bought three months ago. Chase curious children out of the kitchen for their own safety. Tell them to stay on the rug. When the toothpick comes out of the muffin clean, the muffin is fully baked.

Cool the muffins in the tin for five to ten minutes. Turn them out over a cooling rack. Only one will come out. Use a paring knife to loosen the rest from their, I dunno, muffin holes? Turn the pan over again. They still aren't coming out. With your bare hands gently twist the muffins out, taking care to only rip the top off of three of them.

Once they're all out, you'll want to give the pan a quick wash. Use a cheapo plastic scrubber that falls apart midway through its first use. Dry thoroughly with a paper towel, and regrease the pan using the paper towel and a little vegetable oil. Now you should only have to fill six whatsits, so I recommend using the ones along the outside of the pan. Assuming, of course, that you're using a pan that bakes 12 muffins.

Thirty minutes at 325F again, turning midway through to ensure even baking.

While the last batch bakes, go tell the kids to put the couch back together and wonder aloud why you bothered going to college in the first place.

Once the muffins are sufficiently cooled, let the kids try one. They will each eat a third, and then ask why you didn't make cookies.

Unless you actually found a bread pan. In which case bake at 325F for 70 minutes, rotating half way through to ensure even baking.