Sunday, November 3, 2019

Breakfast - It's What's For Breakfast

You have his attention. Don't disappoint him.

Consider, if you will, not what the first meal of the day is, so much as what it means. For some it's a cup of coffee to be slurped out of a travel mug on the way to work. For others it's a bowl of cold cereal to be absentmindedly poured down the throat while reading the morning news. And for most folks, that's just how it is. You need something to eat, and a bowl of raisin bran and a hot cup of joe is what you get.

But does it have to be like this every morning?

NO! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!

Let's play a little make-believe. You have, oh, let's say, a guest. A guest who stayed overnight. An overnight guest you'd like to stay overnight again, and sooner than later. An overnight guest you'd like to stay overnight again, sooner than later, and maybe bring their toothbrush along, that you realize that in order to make that happen, you need to wow them.

Assuming you didn't wow them a couple times the previous I'm getting off track here.

Ahem.

Bacon, hashbrowns, and fried eggs. Solid meal right there.

Let's start cooking.

First, the bacon, because that takes the longest.

You'll need a half sheet pan (think a cookie sheet with a lip around the edge) and some parchment paper.

And an oven.

And bacon. That's important here.

Line your pan with parchment. Is it lifting itself up and curling into a tube? Easy fix for that. Just crumple it into a ball and smooth it out on the pan. It'll stay put now. Place your strips (aka rashers) of bacon on the pan side by side.
The overlaps are fine. And that pan isn't dirty, it's well seasoned. That is a thing you want.
Put your pan of bacon into a cold oven, set the temp to 400F, and turn it on. Leave it be for ten minutes, then turn the pan around to ensure even baking. Let it go for another ten to fifteen minutes, until it's done the way you like it.

While that's going we're going to get into our hash brown. You can buy the preformed squares if you like, and they'll do alright, but aren't you trying to impress someone? Shred up a couple of potatoes with a food processor or one of those older style cowbell graters, being careful to not involve your knuckle flesh. You can peel them or not, either is fine.

Once the shredding is done, grab a handful and squeeze. You want to get the water out of the potatoes, as much as possible. Also, for our purposes, a generous handful is good for one serving.
Seriously, we're trying to cook here. Focus.
Now for the weird bit. You're not frying the potatoes in a pan or on a griddle.

You'll be using a waffle iron.

And it'll be awesome off the waffle iron.

If you don't have one, get one. This is a startlingly versatile tool.

Also, waffles are awesome.

Plug in your waffle iron, set it to maximum, and let it warm up. Once the green light comes on (or whatever your particular unit's readiness indicator is) lube it up with a little pan spray.
Just a little will do.
Spread your shredded potatoes over the bottom plate, sprinkle a scant pinch of salt on top, lower the top plate, and let the iron go through two cycles. On my waffle iron that means you start with the green light that indicates that the iron is hot enough to add the waffle batter. Let it turn red while it's cooking. Then it'll turn green. Then red again. On the second green you hash browns are ready. I recommend two servings, unless you want to share a plate. Your call.
Couldn't be simpler.

Check your bacon. If it's done, don an oven mitt, pull the pan out of the oven, and with a pair of tongs pull the bacon off the pan and onto a plate which you've prelined with a couple paper towels.

Properly done bacon is truly one of the finer things in life.

Now come the age old question, what to do with the bacon grease? 

Do we pour it down the drain? No, that's a bad idea. The fat will cool and congeal in the pipes and clog up the works. 

Do we throw it in the trash? Well, you can after its cooled, but that's kind of wasteful.

Big honkin' coffee cup I picked up a long time ago when big honkin' coffee cups were all popular.
Do we pour it into a receptacle and keep it in the refrigerator? Yes! That's a fantastic idea! Bacon grease is great for sauteing, it can be used in some recipes in place of lard, and it's great for frying eggs. Which, funny thing...

Let's fry a couple eggs!

Throw a generous wad of bacon grease in a frying pan. There's no need to really measure, just put in enough to keep the bottom of the pan covered.
That's actually way too much. About half of that will be perfect.
Heat the pan to about medium and crack a couple eggs into your hot grease. Into that same grease you're going to put about a teaspoon of water. Don't be scared, as long as your grease isn't nuclear hot it won't splatter all over you. Put a lid on top of the pan. The water will evaporate and the steam will cook the tops of the eggs. This is a technique called basting, and it's great if you have trouble flipping an egg without breaking the yolk.

At the beginning.
Frying it up.
After about 45 seconds, go ahead and lift the lid. You should see the albumin, or egg white, clouding up over the yolk. That means it's cooking. Give it another ten to fifteen seconds. Once the entire albumin has gone cloudy, you will have a perfectly basted egg, over easy.

Now for the plating. Un-panning an egg can be a little tricky, but don't get scared. Use a spatula or pancake flipper or whatever you like, and gently work it in between the egg and the pan. It won't take much to free it up. Then just slide it out of the pan and onto the plate.

Or, you can do what I like to do and put the eggs on top of the potatoes and top it with cheese. Bacon goes on the side of the plate.
Who loves ya, baby?
Maybe a slice or two of toast, made from bread that you made yourself, sliced diagonally. Perhaps a couple slices of honey wheat bread, topped with butter or jam?

Or, if you really feel like gilding the lily, top your eggs with a nice scoop of Hollandaise sauce.

We'll cover making that one another day, though.

I going to assume you've already made coffee by now. Serve your guest at the table and be sure to let them have the last slice of bacon.

You're welcome.

Clean up after they've left, or, better yet, clean up while they sit at the table and sip their coffee and watch you continue to take care of your business while chatting amicably.

You never know, you might get a chance to entertain your guest again some time.

My advice, let them awaken to the smells of your home cooking wafting them into consciousness. It's an indication that you are attentive, and not afraid to put a little work in. Besides, it's a nice surprise. You don't have to tell them that this whole thing took half an hour, front to back, and a good hunk of it was just panning up the bacon. Let them simply appreciate you for the wonderful person you are.

One word of caution - when you pull the bacon out of the oven, there may be a little grease spatter. The stuff will be super hot, so it's a good idea to be wearing pants. And probably a shirt.

Enjoy, and don't put your knife (that you didn't actually use this time) in the dishwasher.

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