Short snort - Beer cheese sauce

You've been invited to a work potluck, the theme is Ariba De Mexico, which straight translates to Up Of Mexico. That's fine though, because most Mexican food in the US is about as Mexican as my Irish grandfather.

The Stove, in all it's glory.
Appropos of absolutely nothing, I just needed some filler here.

So, you're going to bring nachos. That means you're going to pick up a couple bags of tortilla chips on the way home and completely forget about the potluck until the evening before when you get an IM from someone asking if you like spicy.

You rush to your refrigerator and find beer, cream cheese, and shredded nacho cheese. Which means you have the makings for beer cheese sauce.

Two of the three major food groups.

We begin.

Take your cream cheese out of the fridge and leave it on the counter for a couple hours to warm to room temperature. While you're doing that, pour out a cup of beer. Keep in mind that the beer you use is the beer your sauce will taste like. I'm using Grain Belt, a simple lager. You can use whatever you like, of course. If you like something strongly flavored, use that. If you like milkshake IPAs, stay home and rethink all of your life choices.

What do you do with the extra beer?
You're joking, right?

Cream cheese goes into the pan. Whisk in about a quarter of your cup of beer. You will get a cheese club. That's fine. Gently beat the cheese until the beer is combined. It'll be a little lumpy at first. That's fine. Combine your beer and cheese as thoroughly as you can, then add another third of your beer. Beat a little more vigorously this time. Pour in the last of you beer and whisk it all together until it's nice and smooth.

Phase 1

Phase 2

Phase 3, and this stuff is pretty good on its own right now.

Now put your pan of goo on the burner, turn said burner up to medium, and heat up your stuff. This is some thick stuff, so it will take a couple minutes. Resist the urge to wander out of the kitchen, though. I suggest giving your sauce base a stir every minute or so. You don't want this stuff to scorch on the bottom.

Your finished product.

Now it's cheese time. Add your shredded cheese, a handful at a time, to your hot sauce. Whisk it in until it melts completely, then add another handful. Keep going until your two cup bag is empty.

Congratulations! You now have beer cheese sauce, the keystone of the Wisconsin diet. Warm it up in the work microwave when it's time to serve, and sit back and enjoy the half hour of coworkers who don't all like each other very much awkwardly mingling.

You wish you could drink at work. I sure do.

Embellishments could include using pepper jack cheese, or throwing in some diced jalapeno peppers to your final product. Recommended storage: put it in a sealable container and store it in the fridge for up to a week.

Or, if you don't want a chip topper, pour it over macaroni. Some of the best mac and cheese ever.

Go in peace, made good food.